Your November Horoscope! by Crystal “Kitty” Shimski

Kitty ShimskiTranscribed by guest contributor  / Kitty divides her time between New York City and Montauk. She is a freelance Intuitive Technique Specialist and part-time Trance Inducer. She was recently certified in Trauma Re-alignment and holds a dual Associates Degree in Breath Dancing for Painters and Creative Shock Control from the Online Academy of Spiritual Transit. She is devoted to helping painters live out their truth on the surface of their choosing.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21  / Alarming changes are happening not just in the world but in you500彩票网手机版官网r studio. You are experimenting with a new shade of green and everything is tinged with sickness – but it eerily echoes the sickness of our cultural moment, so great job on channeling “now” into two dimensions on a piece of cloth! Cheers to the impact of painting on reality! Jupiter is passing through you500彩票网手机版官网r solar first house which probably means nothing, but it could also mean you500彩票网手机版官网 are more social and you500彩票网手机版官网 go to an opening this month, get dissed by six different friends in ten minutes and go 500彩票网手机版官网 with sore feet from ill-fitting new shoes.

You need to develop a relationship with aspects of you500彩票网手机版官网rself that you500彩票网手机版官网 don’t normally hang out with, namely you500彩票网手机版官网r conscience. Your true inner world is a dusty basement filled with rat traps and roach corpses. Scorpio, I implore you500彩票网手机版官网 take time out, make a cup of tea, and descend into this putrid damp hole of you500彩票网手机版官网r own making. Time for an inventory. Who have you500彩票网手机版官网 hurt without thinking? Who have you500彩票网手机版官网 bruised with a dismissive comment that you500彩票网手机版官网 thought passed for humor? Who has suffered from you500彩票网手机版官网r dehydrated, coffee-tinged breath?

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21  / Something major is happening to you500彩票网手机版官网r spouse, child, you500彩票网手机版官网r pet, or you500彩票网手机版官网r plumbing. Whatever it is, it will cost you500彩票网手机版官网 several thousand dollars and everyone will be angry with you500彩票网手机版官网 about it, even though you500彩票网手机版官网 are the only person who ever takes care of anything. But, as Bruce Lee said “showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.” In other news, this is a perfect time for you500彩票网手机版官网 to consider eliminating gluten from you500彩票网手机版官网r diet, because you500彩票网手机版官网r stomach can’t take the stress of so much negativity and you500彩票网手机版官网r friend told you500彩票网手机版官网 that their friend told them that you500彩票网手机版官网’ll feel better if you500彩票网手机版官网 go gluten free.

In terms of the studio, you500彩票网手机版官网 are truly the captain of you500彩票网手机版官网r own ship. You’ve started standing up while painting instead of sitting down and this has transformed you500彩票网手机版官网r sense of self, allowing you500彩票网手机版官网 to achieve oneness with the canvas, and optimum transcendent mobility with the brush. Plus you500彩票网手机版官网 are burning more calories. You breathe heavily, say “Yes!” to you500彩票网手机版官网rself, knowing you500彩票网手机版官网 are in the zone, creating complex color harmonies and retro-futuristic, cubo-plastic, timely and timeless art that is bound to be written up in all the main publications (except Artforum…thank goodness, right?).

Capricorn 12/22-1/19 / Contemplating you500彩票网手机版官网r inadequacies feels impossible for you500彩票网手机版官网 this month (and most months). However you500彩票网手机版官网 are the type of person who oozes competence and stylish vibes whether you500彩票网手机版官网 have showered or not, so you500彩票网手机版官网 are able get out there, bask in the misconceptions of others and not change a thing about you500彩票网手机版官网rself. Jupiter has been helping you500彩票网手机版官网 succeed in you500彩票网手机版官网r career, but it’s now leaving to go help one of you500彩票网手机版官网r friends who you500彩票网手机版官网 hate on the 10th, so be careful not to get too used to going out to expensive dinners.

What you500彩票网手机版官网 should get used to instead is the near term extinction of the art world, the electrical grid, democracy, capitalism, the oceans and all complex life on this planet. So make way for more cadmium red and yellow, cobalt blue and flake white! Now you500彩票网手机版官网 can smear the most toxic colors with you500彩票网手机版官网r hands, not wash them before eating potato chips, etc. You aren’t going to live long enough for you500彩票网手机版官网r liver and/or kidneys to suffer any consequences and even if by some mad chance you500彩票网手机版官网 do, there won’t be any doctors or medicine around to help you500彩票网手机版官网! Just you500彩票网手机版官网 and you500彩票网手机版官网r paintings, sitting alone in a pool of ionizing radiation, due the ensuing meltdown of nuclear reactors, post-collapse…but I digress. Have a great month!

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 / You are steadily losing friends and followers on social media. What is going wrong? You swear you500彩票网手机版官网 don’t over-post, you500彩票网手机版官网 are funny, generous, politically savvy, woke af, able to parse all the latest fiascos in all you500彩票网手机版官网r friends’ threads with the kind of instant perspective only pundits ought to have and yet here you500彩票网手机版官网 are, understanding the socio-political landscape and articulating it like a boss, every single day, throughout the day and into the night. You must remind you500彩票网手机版官网rself it doesn’t matter what “they” think. You are you500彩票网手机版官网! As Charlotte Bronte once wrote in her thriller, Jane Eyre, “I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.”

When it comes to you500彩票网手机版官网r career, as you500彩票网手机版官网 know, you500彩票网手机版官网 are overdue for a MAJOR success. If you500彩票网手机版官网 can refrain from committing suicide between now and the 15th I am telling you500彩票网手机版官网 now, just be patient for a few more weeks, months or years, and you500彩票网手机版官网 ARE going to get that museum show and that review in the Times. This time I mean it. Really.

Pisces 2/19-3/20 / Simply put, you500彩票网手机版官网 are too intense. Yes, you500彩票网手机版官网r relationship is in shambles, yes you500彩票网手机版官网 accidentally killed you500彩票网手机版官网r pet, yes the universe has thrown at you500彩票网手机版官网 natural disasters, a sprained wrist, backne, hepatitis C, burning mouth syndrome, restless leg syndrome, heart palpitations, IBS, fear of heights, fear of strangers, fear of dying, fear of living, but you500彩票网手机版官网 can’t go around whining, complaining and crying all of the time because on top of all this, you500彩票网手机版官网 will soon lose you500彩票网手机版官网r friends. Anyways! Jupiter will move into you500彩票网手机版官网r 9th House of Higher Education on November 10. As I’ve been telling you500彩票网手机版官网 for years, you500彩票网手机版官网 need to go back to school and obtain a degree or certification of some kind. Knowledge is power! Get stung by the learning bee!

You are just getting back in the studio after a hiatus of sorts (aka lazy and scared). I am excited for you500彩票网手机版官网r hands to touch brushes and make magic again, for that’s what you500彩票网手机版官网 are, Pisces, a magician of the soul, using color and light to remind people of the ephemeral nature of life and the persistence of consciousness in a sentient universe! Amen.

Aries 3/21-4/19 / You are pining for connection and love and you500彩票网手机版官网 are sure to get it if you500彩票网手机版官网 remember to brush you500彩票网手机版官网r teeth before you500彩票网手机版官网 leave the house. If you500彩票网手机版官网 are a man, do not think you500彩票网手机版官网 can hug women too tightly for too long anymore. The tide is turning against you500彩票网手机版官网 in these post-everything times and we are sick of you500彩票网手机版官网r paws and claws on our parts. If you500彩票网手机版官网 are a woman, Aries, remember to refer to all irritating acts perpetrated by men from now on as sexual harassment. This is part of the project of moving humanity forward: evolving, awakening, and then self-destructing. It would not be a Kitty horoscope if the underside of hypocrisy were not exposed and the immanence of death not mentioned. Kitty is here to keep it real.

Meanwhile, in the studio, you500彩票网手机版官网r heart is being stirred by the Modernists. You cannot stop thinking of Matisse and Picasso and you500彩票网手机版官网 are yearning for another time when it seemed like people really cared about painting. You have faith in the hypnotic power of color and line. You are earnest this month, you500彩票网手机版官网 are a true believer in the picture plane and its ability to reference itself and our place in the cosmos.

Taurus 4/20-5/20 / Meow! The cat is out of the bag! Your secret is exposed this month, but this will turn out to be a profound blessing. If you500彩票网手机版官网 no longer want to be with you500彩票网手机版官网r spouse, they move out, and you500彩票网手机版官网 will meet someone sexier and more exciting. If you500彩票网手机版官网 are hoarding hand sanitizer, scotch tape and vitamin b complex, you500彩票网手机版官网r neighbors will figure it out but you500彩票网手机版官网’ll end up flush in the inevitable post-apocalyptic barter system. But we haven’t reached that point yet! So don’t forget about self-care this month, Taurus. You need to maintain an expensive wellness regime in order to feel “centered.” Think creams, saunas, fruit capsules, wild plant pills: you500彩票网手机版官网’ll feel energized in a snap.

In the studio, in contrast, you500彩票网手机版官网 must be strict with you500彩票网手机版官网rself. You are too complacent lately and you500彩票网手机版官网r compositions are lackluster; you500彩票网手机版官网r palette muddy and grey like our future. It is time to ask you500彩票网手机版官网r crueler friends over for studio visits. They will help you500彩票网手机版官网 be more discerning. After all, as Frank Perdue said, “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken.” And that’s what good art is exactly like: tender juicy chicken.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 / You are laid back and easy-going this month. You take life as it comes and don’t sweat the small stuff. However some people in you500彩票网手机版官网r life (everyone) see this as undisciplined and are going to be really annoyed with you500彩票网手机版官网. The full moon in you500彩票网手机版官网r friendship sector is simply wreaking havoc, it’s not totally you500彩票网手机版官网r fault! Wait it out, work on you500彩票网手机版官网r posture, and I promise you500彩票网手机版官网 will get invited to abnormally long dinners once more, this is merely a lull in the “action.” Phew, right? Another way to look at it is that you500彩票网手机版官网’ll have more time to take on freelance jobs or an adjunct teaching gig in another city. More money means less time in the studio, but at least you500彩票网手机版官网 won’t have to worry about rent for the next couple of months. Another phew, right?

Creatively speaking, you500彩票网手机版官网 are making the best work of you500彩票网手机版官网r life. Your gallery doesn’t answer you500彩票网手机版官网r emails or take you500彩票网手机版官网r work to art fairs, but take heart. It’s not just you500彩票网手机版官网r personal failure, but the failure of capitalism. It’s like finding out you500彩票网手机版官网’re dying, but Near Term Human Extinction though, so no biggie! Order some groceries on you500彩票网手机版官网r phone, make a batch of culturally appropriated chili with unsustainable ingredients, sit back and binge watch Stranger Things!

Cancer 6/21-7/22 / You have the opportunity to work from 500彩票网手机版官网 forever, now that you500彩票网手机版官网’ve lost you500彩票网手机版官网r job and can’t afford a studio. Some things to watch out for: weight gain, pressure ulcers, and listlessness from too much sitting. Kitty is here to offer practical solutions! Stand up while you500彩票网手机版官网 make you500彩票网手机版官网r drawings, simply move from the table to the kitchen counter. Try pressure hose for you500彩票网手机版官网r ulcers, they come in an attractive nude hue and will increase you500彩票网手机版官网r circulation. As for listlessness, simply stop listening to the news. Might I suggest instead podcasts of archived news shows from 2010, 2011?

In terms of you500彩票网手机版官网r career, there is a cranky Full Moon at the top of you500彩票网手机版官网r chart. An opportunity you500彩票网手机版官网 once thought was a dream come true might now feel like an unending, unbearable nightmare. But don’t worry because you500彩票网手机版官网 have decided to become more spiritual as a result. You also cultivate a healthy interest in cosmology and discover the universe is only a hologram and we are just code and the real action takes place on its flat surface as interlocking, buzzing spirals, or something like that. Zing! And that’s a win for Cancer with the most zoomed out perspective on life!

Leo 7/23-8/22 / You are becoming more and more outspoken with you500彩票网手机版官网r political views. While this is not a bad thing, you500彩票网手机版官网 have learned that there are more people with opposing opinions than you500彩票网手机版官网 had ever thought there could be in the art world, including, but not limited to, individuals who have collected you500彩票网手机版官网r work who are republican. As a result you500彩票网手机版官网 are carrying around shame which turns into chronic digestive problems, which means lost productivity in the studio, due to so much time spent in the bathroom. Just know YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE. Kitty also has clients with spurious political leanings. It is not a good feeling. But just remember we are all embedded in the same economic matrix with no way out at the moment. So take some Tums and read something just for fun, like…I’m not sure what but I bet someone can think of something fun so just ask around!

What’s great about you500彩票网手机版官网r life at the moment, Leo, is that you500彩票网手机版官网 have no financial worries, you500彩票网手机版官网 are on a roll, career-wise, and you500彩票网手机版官网r paintings are more ambitious than ever. There is an exciting opportunity coming up with the New Moon. You eat what you500彩票网手机版官网 want and don’t gain weight due to the aforementioned digestive issues. These are the salad days, so be sure to enjoy each and every bite while they last.

Virgo 8/23-9/22 / You are swamped with exciting projects, Virgo. You can hardly keep up, let alone enjoy you500彩票网手机版官网rself. However, look forward to looking back on this having been the best time of you500彩票网手机版官网r life. You are traveling and working and being appreciated by almost all, if not all, the people in you500彩票网手机版官网r life. Try to smile and take it in. After all life is fleeting and passing you500彩票网手机版官网 by! Remember that you500彩票网手机版官网r smile, whatever you500彩票网手机版官网r age, is a great gift to the world so please follow the advice of Christie Brinkley when she says “Smiling releases the same feel-good hormones you500彩票网手机版官网 get jogging. Caring for you500彩票网手机版官网r lips and gums is important. I brush my teeth morning and night, alternating toothpaste brands. In addition to flossing, I use a Water Pik to massage my gums and remove food particles.”

When you500彩票网手机版官网 have returned from you500彩票网手机版官网r journeys and exhibitions, what you500彩票网手机版官网 must be on the lookout for is malaise and lack of purpose. You must be on the lookout for you500彩票网手机版官网r friends and/or spouse taking joy in you500彩票网手机版官网r dejection. That is why you500彩票网手机版官网r smile training will continue to come in handy as you500彩票网手机版官网 hide you500彩票网手机版官网r true misery and pretend all is still well, looking back on the best times being over. I know you500彩票网手机版官网 don’t need reminding but there will always be booze waiting to cradle you500彩票网手机版官网 when you500彩票网手机版官网 fall!

Libra 9/23-10/22 / You are a hellion. You are a warrior on a rampage this month. You will not back down from any confrontation or disagreement. Stand up and shine you500彩票网手机版官网r light, it’s so exciting to behold you500彩票网手机版官网r brightness, speaking as someone who vehemently disagrees with everything you500彩票网手机版官网 say. Eye roll. Anyways. The full moon is in you500彩票网手机版官网r relationship sector and guess what, EVERYTHING SUCKS. Compromise is a word you500彩票网手机版官网 could stand to learn. At least you500彩票网手机版官网 have good hair (be it back hair, butt hair, chest hair, or head hair).

Moving forward and assuming you500彩票网手机版官网 CTFD, you500彩票网手机版官网 can feel pretty great about you500彩票网手机版官网r accomplishments in the studio. You are beginning to understand art history in a way that illuminates you500彩票网手机版官网r practice, you500彩票网手机版官网 are refining you500彩票网手机版官网r brutish brushstrokes and you500彩票网手机版官网 have something to say, not quite a world view, but an idea of the world that could be resonant with at least a handful of others. You are merging the decorative with the disgusting and the response is pretty much positive. When Venus moves into you500彩票网手机版官网r sign, you500彩票网手机版官网 will emit more peaceful vibes, people will be able to stand being around you500彩票网手机版官网, and a group show might even be in the cards! DREAM BIG!

Related posts:
Conversation: Jennifer Coates and EJ Hauser at PAFA
A brief history of food as art
Interview: Crystal “Kitty” Shimski with Dennis Kardon

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1 thought on “Your November Horoscope! by Crystal “Kitty” Shimski”

  1. I will try to hold on until the 15th! These are too funny, thank you500彩票网手机版官网 for the laughs.

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